He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
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There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
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Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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