im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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