The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
