Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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