i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
