shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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