i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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