your parents love me but you hate me
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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