I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
