your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
