She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
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she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
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I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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