She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
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They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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