He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
