I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
