I wannas sexs uuuuu
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
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