Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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