I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
