Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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