I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
