I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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