Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
