There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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