You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
zippers are such a cool invention
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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