I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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