You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
