Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
