Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
