Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
