i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
