ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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