If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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