This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
