i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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