Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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