I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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