Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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