Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
