i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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