Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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