he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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