his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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