i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
