we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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