possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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