He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
