it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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