the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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