her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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