it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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