cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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