you traded sex for a burrito?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
