she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
