Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
