grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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