Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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