there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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