If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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