Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
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Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
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Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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