Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
