Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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